


Purpose

by hany_yy



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Not A Fix-It, Thorin's musings, a little sad, sorry - Freeform, thorin's thogughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:23:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7078714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hany_yy/pseuds/hany_yy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin's musings on his purpose in life as it changes. Sorry this summary sucks, I promise the story is better. Unbetaed, so if you notice any mistakes please say it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purpose

Ever since I was but a babe, my purpose has been to lead my people. To follow in my father's and grandfather's footsteps. I can remember the endless strategy and battle training my grandfather had me go through almost from the moment I could walk. There was never much time for play in my life, it was always training of some sort from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep.

Then came that damned dragon and took our kingdom away from us and I was thrust into poverty. We became nomads looking for a home. After my father disappeared and my mother perished, my purpose became to keep Dís and Frerin alive. I lived my life making sure my family and my people had everything they needed. We may not have been in Erebor, but we had found a place to call home. We lived that way for many decades until I had the chance to take back what was stolen from us by that damned worm.

 I took the chance, and with me came twelve loyal dwarrow. My purpose had changed once again. Now it was to reclaim the kingdom we had lost and to give my nephews the future they deserved. We had already started our journey when we met the fourteenth person of our company. Bilbo Baggins was a very unique hobbit. Not that I’d met any before him, but that’s what Gandalf told me at least. With him joining our company my purpose began changing once again. I did not notice it at first, it came to me gradually.

After Bilbo saved me from Azog and I, as Dwalin so eloquently put it, “Pulled my head out of my ass”, we became closer. That moment was the start of my realization. As we became closer, I started to notice more and more things that endeared Bilbo to me. However, I could not do anything about it, for I had not yet fulfilled my purpose. I wowed that after we reclaimed Erebor I would show Bilbo how much he meant to me.  

 But I had no chance to do that, because once we were inside I started to experience the pull of the gold sickness my grandfather was consumed by. I could feel it lingering on the edges of my consciousness from the moment I stepped inside the mountain. When the men of Lake-town came with elves on their tails to get what I had promised them I was so gone with the sickness that I declined to assist them. I cannot believe I let myself be so consumed by the same sickness that drove my grandfather to his doom that I would almost throw my One to his death. I deserved to die on the battlefield and that’s what I was prepared for when I finally came out of my sickness and ran to defend Erebor from orcs and goblins.

I did not expect Bilbo to forgive me even in my death bed. But forgive me he did. As I closed my eyes on the Raven Hill, my only regret was that I would never fulfill my purpose of making Bilbo the happiest hobbit in all of Middle Earth.

 


End file.
